Starting Over

Been away for 6 months or so. But I'm back; could not disappear forever. I was reading the blogs had I written. I hated them, so I took them down. I would like to say that I took a step away to focus on more important things, but the truth is that I should have kept up with this nonetheless. So I'm taking the saved progress I had in the game, deleting it completely and starting over. Yes, I could just pick up where I left off. It's good to be back, writing again, even though I don't like to read my writing. Regardless of this, and many other things that led me to stop working on my blog, restarting the whole game from the beginning, but this time, I'll be leaning forward on the chair while playing.

Consistency

It's just past my lunch hour, and I'm yet to eat; a cold overcast day that will undoubtedly be very forgettable in more ways than one. I had tried to come back and resurrect my blog so many times, but I never did. I don't respond very well to motivation, because of how temporary it is. If I did, I probably would've started writing and publishing again the first of day of the year; "New Year, New Me" nonsense. If I can't pull my socks and do something that is useful, or important, especially during times when there is no willingness to do so, then I don't deserve the luxury of motivation. I haven't had the desire to write, nor publish, in a while. But in hindsight, I regret not having done so these past 6 months. My writing could've improved a lot during that time. In fact, I am positive that It would have. But now I'm 6 months behind from where I could have been. There's no reason for crying over spilt milk, but I my lack of discipline and consistency towards this. Although it doesn't keep me up at night, it displeases me a lot when I think about it, and I think about it more than I should.

Play Again

One habit I have when I play video-games, particularly story-based ones, is that I restart the entire game if I've stopped playing it for a while without finishing the game. This past summer, I had tried to resume my save of Ratchet and Clank for the PS2 after not playing it for 3 months. I couldn't do it. I felt like an outsider, not knowing why I was doing what I was doing in the game. The main component of the game, the story, no longer made sense to me and as a result, this took a way much if not all of the desire to continue playing. It didn't matter if I was 80% done with the game; I had to restart it. It was like I was choosing Yes to Play Again after getting the Game Over screen. There was really no Game Over screen, but there might as well have been.

I also cannot leave the game unfinished. At the very least, I have to give an honest attempt of finishing the game, getting some trophies and unlockables along the way. I have to put the effort in, and I never did — not playing is a lack of effort. So here I am, trying this again, determined to make it stick this time. When I restart the game a second time, there is no restarting for a third time. If there is, it's because I'm reminiscing, after having already beaten the game.

So the blog is back. There will likely be some very bad writing in some of them, but it is what it is. I honestly don't even like how this one is coming out, but it's not primarily about the writing at this point. I am confident that my writing will improve, but that won't be a something that occupies my thoughts for a while.

Stress or Regrets

So now, I wonder if I would rather put my self through stress towards trying to make things work or leave things alone and regret not doing anything in the future. I ask myself which is the most preferable situation. Well, thankfully for this particular situation, and many others in my life, I won't have to choose. I can work and invest towards something without consuming stress, and as long as I'm not letting life and its opportunities pass me by, there will be no regrets. Or maybe this is just wishful thinking. Time will tell.