Aging

A couple of years ago, I asked this lady out on a date. She declined as politely has one can possibly do so. She did, however, say one thing that I've been thinking more and more about lately: that she was too old for me (she was nine years older than me). I had the urge to get her talking more because that response completely surprised me. Considering that was the first time I've ever approached a woman that much older than me, that wasn't something I was expecting to here. Naïvité you could say. I ultimately avoided starting a conversation that would brush along the seemly tender canvas that is age; particularly someone's progression of age and all that accompanies it. cocone

Insecurities

The reason that those words, in isolation, of that interaction have been sticking with me is because I have began to notice the insecurities older people show regarding their age. I have never understood this, because growing up, as a child, the older people got, the more certain they seemed about themselves, and about life in general.

I do think that a big part of this is because of the amount of respect we had to give to our elders. It has been big part of the culture, at least in those times. Here, in the West, that is definitely not the case. Out in the world, older people get put in the back of the shelf that is society. Additionally, they get mocked and disrespected more than I expected. When I think of the way older people are treated in the West, the saying Out with the old, and in with the new perfectly fits that. Family is one of the few agents of solace that I see them getting. For those who are highly revered by their families (and friends/community) it's easier to navigate a world that doesn't give a shit about you.

Ageism

Anything deemed past its best will be treated with less care over time, unless one holds precious and undetachable sentimental value to that particular thing. People get treated like this as well. Western society is harsh in a way that other Non-Western ones are not. It is much more individualistic, and people are more disposable than they should be as a result. Younger people and older people do not mesh well in modern times, and I find it really weird. The workplace, social media, entertainment, and many other areas of our social lives operate by prioritising the youth, while phasing out the older, usually rather gradually but can often occur quickly than anticipated. Discrimination based on age is something that I never thought to exist in the capacity that I see it do so, because I never grew up with it. All in all, this signifies that everyone who gets to live in old age has a time limit to get their shit together. Here's what I mean:

Pressure To Live Well

I often hear people say to me "enjoy your youth". However, I much more seldom hear people say "don't waste your youth", or "live wisely during your younger years". In a world that is quick to dismiss and dispose, it is easier to handle such treatment if you are able to enjoy or benefit from the fruits of your labour that were sown beforehand. I've noticed that people who seem insecure about their older age are the ones who felt that they've fucked up: maybe they didn't prioritise marriage and family, only to realise that they wanted those things more than ever, when it is already too late. Or the ones who extended their 20s up until their mid 30s, and are now approaching 40s and beyond with no direction nor sense of self. Often you don't even have to mess up, like the victims of grey divorced who were left financially desititute, forced to start over in their early 50s. Anyways, I'm digressing. The people who are properly setting (or are already set) to live the rest of their days are the ones who are much more receptive of the status quo. It doesn't affect them nearly as much. When I was in primary school, I remember the words "Be prepared" being mentioned so often. It was pretty much like our school motto. I am starting to value the act of preparation, seeing it as an indispensable action in order to live a prosperous life, may it be a long one or a short one.

Aging Well

Aside from preparation, attitude is a huge reason that people do not age well. Too many people think and talk about old age like a curse. If you wasted your youth through reckless living and lack of prudence, then yes, your old age probably feels a lot like a curse. But that's not what I'm talking about. I am talking about the ones who lived well in the past, are living well now, and are still exceedingly fragile about their age.

Before I continue, notice how I don't directly give an age starting point or limit for old age. I shall let you, the reader, to set that for yourself.

Youth is often accompanied by ignorance (especially in modern times), and I realise that the young can often say crude and insensitve things towards older people. I understand that words do hurt people. However, I do think that if you're living the good life later in your life, take it in the chin and move on. Complaining about your old age, when you are living well and know that you have the capacity to continue to do so shows a very weak mentality. Getting mocked for a wrinkly face or greying hair by the younger "cooler kids" is a nuisance at worst. And I find it pathetic for the people who get easily affected by such things. What is the alternative? Live a short life and die in your 20s before your life even sets off? No, I didn't think so. Many have been bestowed the fortune of aging well, but see this as something they have to begrudginly settle for, rather than a gift.

I'm certain this is why the lady that I asked out saying "I'm too old for you" bothered me. It wasn't even that she said those words, but the way she said them. I am aware that for many, including her most likely, such an age gap is undesirable. But I just recall how she spoke about her age like it wasn't worth anything. It seems that being mentally grounded is difficult, even when it comes to this subject. No, 30 or 40 is not the new 20 (or however the saying goes) but such a saying in itself is problematic. Living well past one's prime years is one of the best priviledges one can have in life. It just perplexes me that even with the certainty of death, many can still see living a long life as an inconvenience.